Prayer on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe

Virgin Mary, Theotokos, revered for your faith and love. You acted as intercessor to God for those who were suffering. May your life remind me to be an intercessor as well. May you continue to pray for the well being of the world. In the vision of Guadalupe I recognize the realization that God is on my side. God will always desire the best for my life and will continue to work to draw me close. May I never forget or mistrust Him who makes all things new. May I give praise to Him who came to bring life and life to the full. I pray the Holy Spirit would transform my heart to work to accomplish this work in the world around me. Amen.

Click Title to Go to Link

My good friend has started a website for his book which will be released soon. I enjoy the blog which they run and they have been nice enough to ask me to post. It's a great place to check out to get some interesting thoughts for each day.

Musing on the Search

I have worked in student ministry for a number of years and I have yet to meet a single child who dreams of working in a cubicle. I have few students who talk with me about their deep desire to live a life filled with mediocrity as they go about a habitual existence in complete normalcy. Yet one might argue that so many grown ups fall into this trap. They wake up once morning to ask the fabled question, “how did I get here?” As the Talking Heads reply, “And you may ask yourself what is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself, where does that highway go? And you may ask yourself, am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself, my god!...what have I done?” Funny that so many wanna-be astronauts grow up to be mid-level accountants. Our desire for security seems to out weight our deep desire to search out our deepest meaning. Needing to make good grades to get into that school, we drop those passions which we were less than exceptional at. So find ourselves trapped, suffocated my mediocrity. We start up baseball teams with our buddies so we can relive our dreams of being a short stop for the Yankees. We sit in theatres watching the exploits of Mark Hamill dreaming of adventuring in a galaxy far, far away. We seek escape. Our perhaps just diversion from the inner longing to search. We lost something important a long time ago, something which each person must find themselves. At least, those are some of my musing.

The Conduit

The world seems to be bound by these transcendent ideas and characteristics like love, peace, joy, mercy, etc. Watching a movie where a noble hero sacrifices his life to save someone strikes a cord with anyone regardless of socio-economic background. We are naturally wired to love and to desire to be loved, to participate in a movement of love. But we, my dear friends, cannot generate these powerful traits I've decided. I am not a generator but a conduit. I experience joy given to me by God then pass it on to another person. I experience love when God blesses another person with it and they pass it on to me. But I can't hold onto it, I'm not a storehouse. If I try to run on reserve I will find I am quickly on empty. So joy is found only in communion with God and with others. So is life. If you are grabbing at joy in life and trying your best to hold onto it, let go. It is not yours to grab. Life freely giving to the world and freely accepting that which is all around you. There you will find life.

words from a friend

Good friends are hard to come by, this I've learned in my few years on earth. Thankfully, I'm blessed with incredible friends who are there for me when I need them. This especially has been brought to my attention recently by my roommate Scott.

After a really rough weekend, actually a really rough week and a half, I was just burnt out (see previous post). Just lost in despair but Scott really helped me out.

"I know you're hurting man and I know the path has gotten a little rough. But this is just how it goes man, it's just like running a few miles. After that first mile you start feeling some pain and want to quit. You want to give up. But you just have to push past it to make it to the end. You've already come so far, don't give up now. Don't quit or you'll just keep quitting. I know you can make it through this if you just hold on and not give up because life got a little hard."

Scott's encouragement really centered me back. Life isn't always peaches even when you're doing everything in your power to do the right thing. Faith isn't certainty. Courage isn't not being afraid. But to be full of faith and full of courage we simply must recognize our fears, doubts, and disbeliefs yet hold fast to the hope that God will pull us through. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So like Rocky, I think I've got a couple good rounds left in me. And I'll wait on the Lord to reveal Himself in this period.

Searching for that silver lining

Despair. Doubt. Disbelief.

Suffocation.

Been tough as I attempt to make positive steps in my life only to have those things not work out. I do my best to reach out to reconcile to people and leave with that person still thinking I'm the devil for things I never did. I do my best to protect people by creating safe relationship distance only to have them feel hurt. I'm doing everything I can to be a better person and it's just not happenin.

My roommate told me last night in the midst of my breakdown last night that he was proud of me. He said he didn't know anyone to do so much to reconcile with people and reach out. He said my cause was even noble. But he said that I had to accept the reality that some times things just don't work out like you want. Some times you just have to be at peace with the fact that you did everything humanly possible to make things right.

I guess I'm just wrestling right now because I feel like I'm doing everything I can right and not really reaping anything positive. I work and I work, face challenge after challenge, only to remain in the state I started. As if the cosmos itself is against me. Or perhaps that's just Homeric epic coming through.

I'm going to continue following God, I'm just waiting on Him to show up. Waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel. Waiting for all this dirt I been doin to pay off. Hoping, against the dilemmas of reality, that it will happen.

Basketball Jones

It has been a rough day, rough week, rough month. I woke up this morning simply burnt out. After difficult talks, meditation in the woods, and some more reflection I just felt the weight of my heart. So I decided to go shoot some hoops at the park near my house. Just shooting the ball felt great. After a while, three guys showed up to shoot around and we ended up playing a two-on-two game. It was great.


I think everyone should have something in their life that is good and pure. Some hobby, some interest that you love. When I shoot a basketball or play a game, that's all there is in the universe. No good. No evil. No right. No wrong. No pain. No this. No that. Just a ball and a hoop. All the world fades away and there is just me. Playing there is nothing but good competition. Not aggression, not hate, just people playing to see how far their skill can go. There is no loneliness in basketball because I have a teammate. I have no pain because the world has dissolved.

And after two games, I am free. I am liberated. Moksha in the form of a basketball. Thanks be to God.

The Ant

Does an ant know that he's an ant? Does he realize his world is actually quite small, that in fact he's part of a much larger world? Does an ant realize his mount is not a mountain, but just a mound?


Do I?

Theology of a Feast

"It is not simply to be taken for granted that the Christian has the privilege of living among other Christians. Jesus Christ lived in the midst of his enemies. At the end all his disciples deserted him. On the Cross he was utterly alone, surrounded by evildoers and movers. For this cause he had come, to bring peace to the enemies of God" (17) – Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together [emphasis mine]

Read Matthew 18:21-35

Scholars point out that the sum owed by the servant to his fellow servant was worth in today’s standards about $10,000. Not a small amount of money to have owed and in our logic would merit a firm beat down. But when placed in contrast with the (conservatively estimated) $100,000,000 debt simply washed away, the servants anger seems out of place.

So too is our lack of forgiveness with others. Peter responds with what he assumed was a high number of forgiving acts: seven. But Jesus says that number is far too small when compared to the forgiveness we receive on a daily basis from God.

What if God forgave like we forgave? Many of us wrestle with sins that have become habitual, we wrestle with the same old compulsions year in and year out. But what if one day God, after being betrayed so many times, refused to forgive us? What if God couldn’t take it anymore and decided to avoid us, to put us out of His life?

As Christians, we forgive not because we are good at forgiveness or because forgiveness comes easily. We forgive because we have been forgiven. Our experience of the true forgiveness of God leads us to forgive others.


Play Nooma 007: Luggage

The Questions
Why is God’s forgiveness of us so crucial to our forgiveness of others?

Rob comments, “Maybe forgiveness is ultimately about me and about you, it’s about us. Because when I forgive somebody and I set them free, it’s like I’m really setting myself free.”

Do you believe forgiveness is really more about the one forgiving than the one being forgiven?

Does that view of forgiveness make it easier to forgive?

So the question becomes, how do we attempt to embody this lifestyle of forgiveness lived by Jesus?

Perhaps the answer lies in the ancient practice of feasts.

Read Luke 14:1-14

By definition a Feast consists of a large meal joyously served to friends and those to whom friendship is extended. It is a night of food and festivities where fellowship is fostered among friends.

“In the Near East, to share a meal with someone is a guarantee of peace, trust, fraternity, and forgiveness—the shared table symbolizes the shared life. An Orthodox Jew’s saying “I would like to have dinner with you” is a metaphor that implies, “I would like to enter into friendship with you…come to my mikdash me-at, the miniature sanctuary of my dining room table, where we will celebrate the most sacred and beautiful experience that life affords—friendship” (59-60).

This explains why the Pharisees were so enraged by Jesus’ sharing of meals with sinners and social outcasts. You see over and over again throughout the Gospels of Jesus sharing meals with sinners or inviting people like Zacchaeus to come eat with him.

"Moreover, because Jesus was looked upon as a man of God and a prophet, they would have interpreted his gesture of friendship as God's approval on them. They were now acceptable to God. Their sinfulness, ignorance, and uncleanness had been overlooked and were no longer being held against them" (60)

-The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning



In conclusion, we see the importance of forgiveness seen repeatedly throughout the Gospels. Important to note is the need of confession in these times. Conflict requires two people and resolution requires two people to mutual bear the burden of responsibility. Confession means we must let go of senseless notions of pride or ego to value relationship over self-image. Often, we must approach someone which we are estranged with in humility to confess we are bearing the burden of bitterness and resentment against them. We must apologize for our part in the conflict, seek understanding from their perspective, and take the necessary steps to reconcile. Read the section of John Burke’s Soul Revolution on reconciliation to see the proper steps. Also, read the section on confession in Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Life Together to gain a theological perspective on the issue. As I see it, feasts should always come as the celebration of or the invitation to confession and reconciliation. They cannot be separated from one another.

Fuller Visit Part II: Mama Mia

Well I just wanted to add two scenes which I didn't cover in my last post to my synopsis of my Fuller Visit. Since the last post was long, I'll try to be concise here.

Scene 1: I woke up on Friday morning after 11 hrs of slumber to my mom telling me it was time to get up. As I lie there she said she had to tell me something. "Earlier this morning while I was praying I really felt God speak to me very clearly. He said, "You have to let him go. You have to let him go." It was the clearest thing I have ever heard in prayer. Now I'm not saying it's Fuller, but God is telling me I have to let you go away to wherever you decide to go."

That was an incredible moment because something my mother has really wrestled with in my grad school explorations, esp with Fuller, is me moving away. To hear that was a great blessing.


Scene 2: As I said in the last post, I'm looking at pursuing the twin degree plan at Fuller so that I can take more classes in the School of Intercultural Studies. However, this begs the question: What are you going to do with that? That my mother asked while we were driving home from the airport. I responded that my heart is not drawn to building a mega-church in a white suburb or writing a best selling novel, both of which have become the unspoken markers of a successful pastor in America today. My heart is drawn to the poor, the oppressed, the marginalized, and the disenfranchised. I cannot pursue a life that would not be centered on an active work of helping the poor. As the poorest of the poor are in places outside the US, following my calling would most likely take me abroad. Not that all pastors of mega churches are evil or writing a book means sell out, it's just for me I can't see that being the focus of my life. I might write a book or pastor a church but both of those things will follow from my work. Not my work following my book or my sermons.

Well, needless to say my mother wasn't very happy with that. "I don't see why you have to go on some crusade to save mankind. there are poor people in my family, why don't you help them?" I know her words were more out of the motherly concern of "How will you eat? how will you support yourself? I won't see you if you are abroad." But that convo was still difficult. I think in time she will be a little more open to the idea but right now it's a slow process.



Anyways, that concludes all the thoughts I can muster about my Fuller trip. Feel free to comment on either blog post. Thanks to all the people who prayed for the trip as it was a great experience and I really love the place. I now simply have to trust that if God is continuing to call me there He will finance it as well. Thanks again, much love to all of you.

Fuller Visit: Trip Outline

Wow, what an intense three days I have just had! It has been so non-stop that in many ways I feel as though I am awaking from a deep sleep and wondering what was real and what was reality. So, like all good stories, let us begin from the beginning and end with the end.

Thursday morning I woke up at 4:45 am to my mother waking me up because BOTH of my alarms set did not go off properly. So in fifteen minutes I got ready so we could leave by 5 to make it to Hobby Airport in time to get through check-in, etc. Our flight left at 7:30 am to Phoenix and I had a good time early on looking out the window. I was too excited to sleep so I stayed awake listening to 2Pac's "California Love" and wrote some questions for the admissions adviser.

Landed in Ontario, CA at 11 am Pacific time. Hopped in the rental car and my mom drove us to Pasadena (about a 40 min drive). Once we got there we checked into our room at the guest center and grabbed a quick bite to eat at a local burger joint which happened to be a Pasadena staple. I then left to meet with an admissions adviser at 2. The meeting went well, I just learned about the application process a little more.

When I asked what Fuller tried to instill in their students she remarked, "We want our students to develop critical thinking. We want them to think deeply about issues and develop their own answers to these problems. They don't have to develop the right answer now, or perhaps their answer won't be the most popular or the most conservative but we want them to have an answer that is theirs." I really liked that because I have no desire to go to a seminary to be told what to believe but to experience the diverse answers that are out there and be equipped with the tools to develop my own responses based upon what I've learned.

Left from the admissions meeting to a meeting they set up with me with a current student. He was a cool guy from Atlanta in his first year at Fuller in the MDiv program. He talked about the Pasadena climate and how great it was (avg 70s throughout the year, always sunny, little rain, near the mountains and the beach, and palm trees lining the streets). We also talked about the difficulty of student life in so far as course work was concerned. 15 pg essays, mid-terms, finals, and what not. So finding balance in life is important. But overall he was really happy with Fuller and excited to be apart of a seminary which has produced people like Rob Bell and John Piper.

I wrapped up the day at 4, went back to the room to change and my mom and I went around Pasadena. Pasadena is a cool place, more akin to a small village than a city. I say that because everywhere you go you will run into people you know and no one really drives, instead they all walk. There is a section called 'Old Pasadena' which has a lot of shops and restaurants in a few square blocks. It has everything from locally owned stores to big name retailers like 'Banana Republic' and 'Vans.' Pasadena, like most of SoCal, is very artistic. There are about 7 theaters (most of which specialize in independent films), 4 or 5 art museums, at least 2 large gardens, and more than I can write. It's 9 minutes from camp grounds at the foot of the mountains and thirty minutes from Hollywood. So conversations you overhear will be about both mountain biking and the new segment of a film they're shooting tomorrow. It's a cool place so my mom and I grabbed some food at an Italian restaurant recommended to us and then went back to our room.

I was so exhausted from all the traveling that I passed out at about 9:30 and slept until 8 am the next morning. It was a crazy sensation to wake up in the room and realize I was in California knowing that the last time I woke up I was in Texas. Anyways, grabbed some breakfast real fast then jetted back to the room to brush my teeth so I could make it to the coffee shop on time for a meeting with a professor. But a little back story before we continue:

My mother's cousin asked me last Thanksgiving about seminary. I told her I was planning on looking at Fuller which excited her because she said her husband knows a lot of people there and donates to Fuller. She said she would go talk to him about Fuller and see if maybe he could give me some pointers on who to talk to. Well, as it turns out, he has recently gotten on the board of the School of Intercultural Studies (formerly the School of World Missions)! He said he would love to meet with me and help me in whatever way he could. Well, my mom emailed him a few weeks ago about our visit and he ended up calling me asking if it was alright to put me in contact with his friend of 35 yrs who is a professor at Fuller. Fantastic. Well, as it turns out, Dr. Bryant Myers (his friend) is a former board member of World Vision (which he served at for more than a decade) and is now a lead professor in the School of Intercultural Studies (SIS).

So I met with Dr. Myers and was incredibly delighted to hear what he had to say. There are currently four main classes in the SIS under his supervision which include: Advocacy and Social Justice, Humanitarian response, Poverty development, and one other one which I can't recall. In addition, he is in the process of developing some more courses. I really liked him as he was very personable and intelligent yet did not carry himself like an academic nor enjoyed academics (which reminded me of my teacher). He was very grounded and I particularly liked his comment, "in all truth, it's not rocket science to help the poor. you just have to love them." He informed me of a joint-degree program that Fuller has for people like me.

A normal MDiv has four sections: languages, Scriptures, church leadership, and electives. The electives encompass six units in which students can specialize (like I would with the SIS). However, for many students the six courses aren't enough class work done in that area. Also, the MDiv's high structure doesn't allow more much wiggle room. And if you're like me and have no denomination, a MDiv is really a requirement to be a pastor. So, many students have opted to join the joint program in which you basically disect the MDiv time. You take the languages and Scriptures classes which allow you to get a Masters in Theology, then instead of taking the church leadership and electives portions you dedicate all those hours to the SIS and get a Masters in Intercultural Studies. So basically, in the same three years I would graduate with a Masters in Theology and a Masters in Intercultural Studies.

I liked that program a whole lot better because the main focus of what I want to do in life will involve helping the poor so I would rather spend more of my time learning about that. Besides, as Dr. Myers pointed out, I might be more at home with the pragmaticists of the SIS who aren't as concerned about minor theological differences as I am with the theorists who only concern themselves with theology as intellectual constructions. Since we were at the Fuller Coffee Shop, a lot of his students and colleagues passed by and I was able to ask them some questions as well because Dr. Myers would stop them. So all in all, my time with him was an incredible hour which I gained some great insight into the program I want to be apart of.

I left from there to get a campus tour from a Admissions rep I met when he visited Baylor in the fall. I had a good time and learned a lot more about the campus which was good. I really enjoyed how Fuller had taken some of the historic homes near campus and converted them into offices and student lounges rather than tear them down for concert buildings. It gave the campus a more organic feel.

Jetted from the tour at 1:30 to load up the car then took my mom to In-And-Out Burger (good stuff) before we raced to the airport to check in the rental car then make our flight. I got back to Houston late Friday night and was in bed by 1:30 am. Got up the next morning at 9, talked with my dad about the trip, loaded up my car to capacity, and then left for Waco. Got here at 3, unpacked until 8 while doing laundry, grabbed dinner, played Wii with the roomies, saw Mallory, then went to bed at 1:30 again only to sleep until 10. So now I'm awake and still processing everything that has happened because it flew by so fast. There are so many things I didn't even cover in this already far too long blog that I'll have to post later today. Anyways, that is the outline of the trip. Ewh.

"The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning Quotes

[For the past two days Manning's book has consumed my thoughts. I am absolutely enthralled and his words could not come at a better time. I'm slowly processing the book so I thought that posting my favorite quotes and soon recapping what I read would help digest the message. For those of you paying attention, originally this appeared in three posts but they were so long I thought I was posting the entire work. Here is the abridged version.]

"Morton Kelsey wrote, "The church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners" (23)

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer." (25)

"Paul Tillich in his famous work "The Shaking of the Foundations": Grace strikes us when...year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is a as though a voice were saying: "You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you..." (27)

"But the salvation Jesus brought could not be earned. There could be no bargaining with God in a petty poker table atmosphere: "I have done this; therefore you owe me that." Jesus utterly destroys the juridical notion that our works demand payment in return. Our puny works do not entitle us to barter with God. Everything depends upon His good pleasure" (57)

"He knows repentance is not what we do in order to earn forgiveness; it is what we do because we have been forgiven" (75)

"They do not pretend to be anything but what they are: sinners saved by grace" (82)

"Now God raised up the prophets, burned into their consciousness a lively awareness of His presence, and sent them to reveal Him in a warmer, more passionate manner" (101)

"If Israel is unfaithful, God remains faithful against all logic and all limits of justice because He is" (102)

"More pleasing to Me that all your prayers, works, and penances is that you would believe I love you" (120)

"Each encounter with a brother or a sister is a mysterious encounter with Jesus Himself" (123)

"Compassionate love is the axis of the Christian moral revolution and the only sign ever given by Jesus by which a disciple would be recognized" (158)

"Our hope, our acceptance of the invitation to the banquet, is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering" (170)

"What a man of God longs for in a shepherd--someone daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, wild enough to be burned in the fire of love, real enough to make others see how phony we are" (177)

"The love of Christ is beyond all knowledge, beyond anything we can intellectualize or imagine. It is not a mild benevolence but a consuming fire" (209)

"Ragamuffins are the anawim of the Hebrew Scriptures--the poor in spirit who, aware of their inner poverty and emptiness, threw themselves without hesitation on the mercy of God. They compounded a sense of personal powerlessness with unfailing trust in the love of God. They were indeed the remnant, the true Israel to whom the messianic promises had been made" (214)

Confessions are hard to do

Over the summer as an intern the staff I worked with read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's "Life Together" (wonderful read) and I've also been hit-or-miss with doing some Scripture reading from the book of Matthew. Anyways, Bonhoeffer talks a lot about confession and the need to make admissions of guilt to fellow Christians in his work. In Matthew, Jesus says, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (5:23-24).

As I read that passage, I thought of who I needed to be reconciled to and I thought of one person in particular. I recognized that I really needed to confess and apologize to that person but my own insecurities got the better of me so I just sent a facebook message (also, I haven't seen this person in two years). I wrote a long message to apologize for my thoughts and actions which were arrogant, self-centered, and immature. I confessed that my thoughts and actions were wrong and stemmed from my own broken imperfectness.

That was something incredibly difficult because I had to first be shown by God how imperfect I really was. Which sucked. And has sucked all summer to be shown how truly in need of grace I am. Another sucky part was after I sent that message I thought of another person I needed to message, then after that I thought of another person. Three messages with three different admissions of guilt. Which doesn't exclude the two coffee shop conversations I will have to have upon my return to school and a couple things I'll have to tell some other people.

I don't really feel comfortable with all this but I know its necessary. I don't even know how those people will take the messages but I hope they understand that I'm really sorry. I also hope those messages won't just be words and that I live up to what I wrote. To what I am writing. But if I want to follow Jesus I have to go all the way, even when I feel awkward and hurt.

If you pray, pray that God will grant me courage to make honest confessions, a heart to hear honest words, and the fortitude to follow Christ not just in word but in deed.

Church of the Community

For a long while now I have differentiated between the Church (note the definite article) and a church. The Church is also known as "the Body of Christ" signifying its purpose of being the physical representative of Christ on earth. The Church consists of the true followers of Christ throughout the world. The Church is beautiful and holy, with Jesus Christ at its head.

A church is a group of people who gather together to worship God. A church is composed of people who are devout and not devout. A church can be very beautiful, reflecting the Church, or very ugly. And for the longest while I think I've let my ideas of church and my images of ugly churches skew how I think church should be done. So I present this idea which has struck me lately:

Church is about a group of people who have encountered and been transformed by Christ gathering together to share in their mutual love. Based upon Christ, these people mutually encourage and love one another as they continue to strive to embody the Gospel more and more. So church is merely a community of Christians and not a building. Not necessarily an organization.

Yet, I have community with Christians all the time. And I have been called to ministry. So perhaps I can look at things like this: My family, my friends, my coworkers, my neighbors, etc are all part of my congregation. My fellow Christians are part of a small church. As a result, everyday I have the chance to be a shepherd to them. In the sense that I might ask: Is my house a sanctuary where people can come to feel love and grace? Am I bearing the fruits of the Spirit in my relationships? Do I help to bring greater community to those around me?

Ministers tend to be very intentional in how they do ministry in their church. They create special events, build relationships, etc with the intent on helping people draw near to Christ. But what if every Christian led their lives that intentionally? Like had big dinners, got together people to have fun in a park, got coffee with someone, etc. What if everyone strived not to push the Gospel on other people but intentionally sought to embody it for their micro-communities?

True community lies all around you. You are part of a small church everyday in your interactions. Perhaps we should stop depending on institutions do the work that people should do and begin to pour into our relationships.

The Irrelevant Church

So I'm a college senior in the midst of a world which is changing before my eyes. Many scholars debate now about the current philosophical, sociological, economic, and scientific shifts which are happening. In the Western world, a sharp decline in Christianity has been experienced since the birth of the modern age.

While skeptics might claim that it's simply science making the world more rational and understandable, I would argue something different. I believe that Christianity has experienced such a sharp decline because it's no longer relevant to us Westerners. Clearly, there is an explosion of Christianity in Asia and Africa which would point away from the Modern extinction of religion.

The issue I see is that my generation and similar generations before me are starved to see a relevant strand of Christianity. Christianity has been so consumed by theological debate and political theory that it no longer shows us that God is good anymore. Indeed, two world wars, the dropping of the A-Bomb, genocides, global poverty, AIDS, and natural disasters can lead many people to ask, "Is God really good? Is He even around?"

I believe God is in an active work of rescuing mankind. I believe Christ is the hope of all mankind. But I also believe that God has one main plan of getting His work done: us. The Gospels say that Jesus would look out upon the crowds of the poor and the oppressed and have compassion on them. But few people in the West see the Body of Christ reflecting that. The first Christians led this contagious lifestyle of actively working to create a better world, a world they called "the kingdom of God."

Now most Westerns create bigger and better Churches. Perhaps thats why our Christianity is declining while other parts of the globe are experiencing exponential growth: they are seeing the body of Christ as work.

To be relevant to my generation today, the Church has to stop talking and start walking. We need to see the Church lead out in the fight against AIDS, against poverty, against hunger, against injustice. I believe in Christ and I believe in the Church. I just feel like maybe we should bring it back to the old school. Before the mega-churches. Before the Moral Right. Before Christendom. Back when bringing love, beauty, grace, truth, and forgiveness to hurting people was foundations to the Way.

So let us all keep it Old School.

That's My King! by SM Lockridge

Wonderful sermon. [click on title to go to video]

A Beautiful Franciscan Blessing

[A pastor read this sermon today before a large gathering of ministry leaders and I absolutely loved it. The beauty of this blessing is wonderful and its source in the Franciscan Order only adds to it for me. May it touch your heart as well]

May God bless you with discomfort at half-truths, easy answers, and superficial relationships, so that you will live deeply and from the heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and the exploitation of people, so that you will work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those in pain, so that you will reach out your hand to them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with just enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this old world, so that you will do those things that others say cannot be done.

A definite life change

So I'm at a leadership conference at FOTW put on by WillowCreek Church because the MET was gracious enough to pay my way to go to the event. So I'm in the middle of Gary Haugen's talk on social justice and I wrote this, "Cast down your idol of hip cultural urban ministry and pursue the heart of God recklessly. No longer serve the vain statue of counter-cultural pastorship but be a lowly worker of the harvest."

It was as if I finally, in a very clear way, felt as though I was receiving an invitation by God to participate in His work of rescuing the poor and oppressed in the hurting places in the world. I don't mean to speak for God or to say definitely how this is to be worked out, all I can say is that for a growing while I cannot watch a video of starving people, dying people, hurting people somewhere in the world and not have this voice inside me say, "I need to go there. I need to help those people." All my life I have known I want to help the hurting people of the world. As if it is written on my heart. But I felt that there were hurting people in the US I could help. However, I feel as though for me this would not be truly answering my call. For me, okay, for me...I feel as though if I were to be a pastor in the US I would either be serving the capitalist, shallow, glory-seeking model of cheap suburban christianity or bowing to the idol of hip, underground, counter-cultural pastor. As if my society has placed Billy Graham and Rob Bell as the idols I am to bow to. Now this isn't to say that my brothers and sisters who are working to authentically embody the Gospel of Christ in the United States are wrong or sell-outs. It simply means for me, I cannot serve in the United States without feeling a void in my heart because I am not with the lowest of the low. I must go to the poor. I don't know what I will do, I don't know how to do it, I don't know where to go, I don't know how I'll get there...all I know is that right now I feel like God is calling me to leave the States to go to His hurting people. And I simply pray that He will continue to move in my heart and to lead me down the path of His love and endurance.

Reflections on Anarchy

[Origen, quoting Celsus:] "If everyone were to act the same as you Christians, the national government would soon be left utterly deserted and without any help, and affairs on earth would soon pass into the hands of the most savage and wretched barbarians." [Origen:] Celsus exhorts us to help the Emperor and be his fellow soldiers. To this we reply, "You cannot demand military service of Christians any more than you can of priests." We do not go forth as soldiers with the Emperor even if he demands this. [Origen goes on to say that if the Romans followed the teachings of Jesus, there would be no barbarians.]

Should Christians participate in the government? It is clear from history that the first Christians believed you shouldn't, especially not as a soldier. But two thousand years of Church history has demonstrated that perhaps the temptations of secular power can be too great for Christians at times. I some times wonder how politically active Christians should be, especially in the context of modern America with its "Moral Right." The first Christians were considered anarchists and insurrectionists by the Roman government but most American Christians consider patriotism a virtue. So what of this? Perhaps the early Christians simply couldn't envision a world in which politics didn't involve compromise. Politics is about give and take, at times I have to sacrifice to get something done. But the first Christians refused to compromise. Refuse to give an inch on their values for the world.

But if we dissolved the government, we'd have chaos! Perhaps. Surely human history has demonstrated the utter chaos which can be caused by the destruction of government. But perhaps thats because government is merely an expression of the innate human desire for domination and control. Humans, desiring to imitate God, seek to bring chaos. In some ways, the desire to bring order isn't bad. Order is one of the chief foundations of society. But how is that order discovered? Through domination or through love? Perhaps this is the cornerstone to the early Christian argument. When you attempt to live without a government in a society based upon domination you have destruction. You have war. But when you organize a society without a government founded upon love...you have the early Christian community.

Christians and government, can we get along? Or are we destined to combat each other based upon our founding principles? Many would argue that government maintains order and control. But does it? Or does it simply allow us to express certain desires in greater proportion (greed, selfishness, power-hunger)? Look at American greed, exploitation, lust, etc...do we really have control? Has government really solved the problems?

Children die everyday of hunger. Mothers die of diseases cured decades ago in the Western world. Fathers die without clean drinking water. You are being suffocated by the American dream. Your children are dying of greed and lust everyday. And yet we defend government as the cure-all to life. Maybe we should give love...nay, God...a chance.

Fresh Powder

We had a meeting today at the MET for all the adult volunteers about our wednesday night service. The service, or rather the building filled with gadgets and gizmos, attracts a lot of students from the surrounding community. Coming from low income families, typically apartment housing, we usually refer to these students as "community kids." The distinction comes because most of our regular attenders or "church kids" are from middle class, white families.

The majority of the adult volunteers at the MET are parents of "church kids" and so they have the natural aversion to the community kids because they are so different. Most of our community kids are highly unchurched so they have no idea of the unspoken rules church people have about cursing, fighting, talking in service, etc. So this afternoon we had a meeting about rules and guidelines so that we can maintain order at the church, but then also spent a great deal of time talking about how to connect with the students.

It was exciting and encouraging to see some of the parents really get what we were talking about because some of our volunteers had no idea the extent to which their help was needed. To hear from the volunteers the concept:

God loves us and that's why we're here...because God loves us. As volunteers, we should be the people sharing that love with the kids who are here. They might not get that anywhere else, so we should be Jesus to them.

I was happy to hear that as opposed to: "We've tried but these kids are just difficult and we can't do it. They should just learn to shut up during service."

But to hear from the hearts of the volunteers was great. Afterwards, Jon and I really wanted to take some of the ideas and put them in the hearts of our student leaders. Our students leaders haven't really been reaching out to the community kids. It seems the segregation between the two groups that society has put in their minds has really gotten to them. But I always remember about what Paul said about in Christ there being no slave or free, Jew or Gentile, male or female. One body.

Anyways, so Andy really agreed but we both recognized the groundwork that would have to be laid beforehand. Namely, creating a leadership team. But before that, educating our students who want to be leaders what leadership is and how it will function at the MET. Andy really wanted me to bring up some of my old binders from the TSM from back in the day and my Pit Crew stuff. He wanted me to work with him on developing some cirriculum. Which completely excites me. Takes me back to high school working on Pit Crew. Actually, I got so nostalgic today just looking back at my old Pit Crew binder.

If there is one thing I love, it's training a group of students to be leaders and then building a ministry from the ground up based upon that leadership. Just like Pit Crew. So the idea of helping Andy train these kids for leadership and then get them out there absolutely excites me to no end. I love it. Which is why I am blogging, I was so excited about that I just wanted to blog. Tonight I'm going to bring a box of old binders and notebooks to Andy's and hopefully go through some of it. This next week I would really like to work on some cirriculum. Right now I'm just in a flurry of ideas and have an incredible movement of the Spirit. I just love this stuff, ministry is what I love to do. So it's like being a snowboarder and hearing there's fresh powder on the mountain. I'm just excited to hop back on the board.

The Art Gallery

So I'm grabbing coffee with a friend and we are talking about ministry and how we think church should be done. In the midst of this conversation he says, "You know, when I go to an art gallery I feel inspired. I think church should be the same way: a place that inspires people."

Beautiful.

Our gatherings of community should inspire those who come. They should experience love, grace, beauty, truth, community, etc in such a way that they leave feeling inspired. Much in the same way that God inspires us. And perhaps each of us should be a Rembrandt: a person that people encounter and leave feeling inspired. If someone has a conversation with us, do they leave feeling encouraged? Perhaps my life should be more like an art gallery.

Life Together (vol. I)

Dietrich Bonhoeffer must certainly be considered one of my personal saints. He his included in my small community consisting of St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Francis of Assisi, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I love Bonhoeffer because his prose is so beautiful it borders on poetry. Also, he is a realist. His theology is about practice, about how Christianity functions in the daily life of people. His theology isn't something which exists in some ethereal realm, but how faith expresses itself in the day today. Finally, he's not some theologian writing from an attic he locked himself in devoid of real human contact. Bonhoeffer is writing from an underground church in Nazi Germany where he is participating in a resistance movement. Bonhoeffer spits it how he lives it and he spits it hot.

Well, currently I've read 70 pages of the book but I am still stuck on the first page of the work. Bonhoeffer writes:

"It is not simply to be taken for granted that the Christian has the privilege of living among other Christians. Jesus Christ lived in the midst of his enemies. At the end all his disciples deserted him. On the Cross he was utterly alone, surrounded by evildoers and movers. For this cause he had come, to bring peace to the enemies of God" (17)

"For this cause he had come, to bring peace to the enemies of God." God hung from a cross, a slave's death, being mocked and hated. The epitome of human war machine, built on domination and corrosive strength, murdered the embodiment of divine reality. With our war factories we produced the daggers to kill Love. Our made-up religions of wealth and power persecuted the author of Life. And yet, God came to bring peace to them. Hitler, Stalin, Koresh....you...me...He brought peace to all of us. How absolutely mind boggling is that when you think about it?

Love for the entirety of humanity. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the ugly. And if this is something which I truly believe, if I really affirm that Christ brought peace to all, then why do I not act this way? Why do I not seek to imitate that kind of life? Why do I not actively seek to bring peace to my enemies? "For this cause he had come, to bring peace to the enemies of God." I am only beginning to wrestle with the cosmic significance of that truth. But if you aren't moved by those words, by that idea...if you aren't challenged....no matter how much more I write, you just won't get it.

What kind of prophet

So I was at lunch the other day with a friend and we were talking about my plans for the future. I told him that right now I am focusing on the next step of my journey (seminary) and letting God worry about the rest. I guess I just figure that at some point in the future I'll have developed into the person God has trained me to be and at that moment He'll reveal the path to follow for me.

All that to say, right now I feel like there are two paths I am interested in: the head pastor of a church in the inner-city somewhere or the life of a missionary. The fact of the matter is, I am drawn to the people on the margins of society. To the poor and the oppressed. Away from the haves to the have-nots.

But my friend, who was mirroring a not uncommon sentiment, was a bit uncomfortable with my life as a missionary. "Not to say that the life of a missionary wouldn't be as much of a success as the life of a pastor of a church of 5,000 writing books and doing speaking tours...but...I don't know." I dunno, it just seems like people in my life keep telling me that I'm so "talented" that I could better use my skills here in the States.

But I can't help but feel that the US doesn't need anymore Rob Bells (if I even had that potential). I mean, 90% of people called to the ministry feel called to ministry in North America. It's not that I don't like the US, but when I see all the people suffering simply to survive elsewhere in the world I can't help but want to go and help. I've grown up in white suburbia, trained in their schools, learned from their teachers, experienced the fruits of that life...but I feel like it's my duty to use all that to help other people.

I don't know what I'd be able to do in Africa. I don't have any skills to help dying people other than speaking. So maybe I could be someone who organized and mobilized churches to help God's people who are suffering. I dunno. But I am just uncomfortable with the idea of staying in the US to help people who already have. For what? To write some books and gain some kind of following as a great teacher? First, I don't even have that level of skill. Second, why? I decided to go into ministry because I wanted to be a part of what God was doing in the world. To participate in His work of rescuing mankind. Not to be Billy Graham or Rob Bell. Not to say those guys are evil, I just question whether that's really the path laid out for me. Esp for the reasons presented to me by my friends.

The Shaolin Monastery (vol.II)

It's quite fascinating to study the shaolin monastery as a martial artist. I mean, what I study today is the product of centuries of work and study by some of the greatest martial artists of all time. It's also interesting from the perspective of a philosopher as the monastery has a rich history. But I must say something that is incredibly intriguing is that Shaolin is a buddhist monastery. One of the highest principles of the monastery is non-violence and yet these monks developed one of the most sofficicated fighting systems ever. But Shahar's exploration of the monastery's history demonstrates how the monks reconciled the two. It appears that philosophy developed as a reaction to history and necessity. The reality of the monastery was that it was prime real estate for attack by bandits and at times monks were required to serve in the military. This reality caused the monks to create philosophical explanations for their breaking of a sacred law of Buddhism. I found it interesting because of it's connection to Christianity. Jesus himself, a teacher of non-violent resistance, has had to suffer the reality that his followers have often engaged in violence. We see in history how Christians justified their actions through theology which followed from practice rather than the other way around. It seems that all too often great teachers come and illuminate the path of righteouness for humanity and yet we are so fond of our ways we create loopholes to satisfy our desire to fight.

"The Shaolin Monastery" by Meir Shahar (Vol. I)

The Shaolin Temple resides in the Henan province of China near Mt. Shaoshi (shao from the mt. and lin meaning grove = Shaolin means the grove of Mt. Shaoshi). Ancient Chinese legends attribute the bringing of Buddhism to China to the Indian monk Bodhidharma. Bodhidharma is an interesting character, whose myth develops over a couple of centuries. One interesting part of the legend which develops is of his appearant resurrection. An emissary to central asia claimed to have encountered a barefooted Bodhidharma, who was carrying a shoe, who told him he was returning to India. When the emissary returned and informed his monks they opened the tomb of Bodhidharma only to find a single shoe. The Shaolin monastery itself was founded in 496 by the Indian-born monk Batuo (or Fotuo). The Shaolin monastery has traditionally accepted students age six and up, providing them with not only martial knowledge but also basic education.

Okay, enough of that. I just wanted to summarize what I had read in the chapter so as to more concretely put it into memory. There is so much going on in my mind after reading the first few pages because of all the questions it presents. Two such questions are incredibly interesting and I have often wondered: How did the Shaolin martial arts develop into elaborate systems? How did the Buddhist monks (who have such a strong tenet of peace) justify fighting? I hope in the next 160 pages the answers can be given some shape.

I did the legend of Bodhidharma's resurrection particularly interesting as well. In the West, we assume that the only religious story of resurrection is the one centering on Jesus. However, I think there are many other stories of the like in other civilizations. I mean, you could take Osiris I imagine as counting (even though he had to be put back together). So maybe it's the differences between the stories which are more fascinating. Hmm...well...Jesus raises himself from the dead and doesn't rely on other forces or help to raise him. Unlike Osiris, he doesn't suffer from any negative effects. Case in point, as is everything with Christianity, it's not the similarities which are as intriguing as the differences which point to something else. Nevertheless, I did like that bit about the one-shoe. I wondered if Jesus thought about doing something humorous like that. But then again, Bodhidharma never phased through walls after he died.

I also enjoyed the bit about some of the deities in Chinese tradition. Such as "the pot-bellied Maitreya Buddha...depicted in Chinese art and literature as holy fools, whose divinity is masked behind an eccentric facade" (14). I thought that was interesting. Made me think of Yoda from the Empire Strikes back.

The Tale of Despereaux (vol. I)

The great pastor and civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once remarked, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” I think that this quote captures what is at the heart of Kate DiCamillo’s The Tale of Despereaux. Throughout the novel, DiCamillo uses the imagery of light and dark to symbolize the different forces at play. Indeed, I think that these forces are the exact ones spoken about by Dr. King. The light and the dark have residence in the halls of the castle and in the dungeon (respectively). Those who live in the light wrestle against the darkness within their own hearts. Lester wrestles with condemning his son to death and the king wrestles with the darkness of deep sorrow. Nevertheless, the light is home to characters with great capacities for love and forgiveness like Despereaux and Princess Pea. In contrast, the dungeon is a place where individuals wrestle to salvage the little light with exists in their souls. Roscuro struggles with his desire to live in the light while the dungeon prisoner wrestles with his past evils hoping for the day he could make right. In addition, characters like Botticelli are happy in their world of hate. In the end of the novel, we truly see the words of Dr. King coming true for the characters. Roscuro is defeated and in a way redeemed not by the returning of hate by Princess Pea but by the act of love. Lester is able to escape from the burden of guilt by Despereaux’s act of forgiveness. While unusually small, Despereaux’s ability to cast great light makes him a true knight in shining armor.

The Alchemist (vol. II)

Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist is certainly a bildungsroman. In the beginning of the work, Santiago is a shepherd who dreams of travelling. Indeed, he thinks that “the possibility of having a dream come true…makes life interesting” (16). However, he never imagines that pursuing his Personal Legend will lead him on such a great adventure in which he travels many miles. In fact, in the beginning of the work Santiago does not even understand what a personal legend is or how to follow it. Nevertheless, his curiosity and courage lead him into a world of discovery. Santiago learns that each person has a Personal Legend written by the hand of God which is bound and intertwined with the personal legends of all created things. Santiago’s journey teaches him that he is one thread in the larger tapestry of the universe. However, his journey is not an easy one and it is filled with obstacles he must overcome. But these obstacles serve as a refining fire which burns away the impurities of fear and disbelief to leave the pure matter of love and faith. Indeed, it is the pursuing of one’s dreams that is the true alchemy of the universe. True alchemy turns a normal soul living in the mundane to a soul of gold living a personal dream. Santiago’s journey develops him from a shepherd in Spain dreaming of a better life to a man in touch with his soul and living out his personal legend.

The Alchemist (vol. I)

Two quarters and a dime jingled in her pocket as she juggled the last bit of savings in her pocket. She was a small town girl who had put herself through college to make it to the big city. But her travelling companion, her best friend, had given up and gone back to Mississippi. She had no job, no friends, no money, and only a dream. She figured she had two options: Accept she can’t make it and go home or refuse to give up on her dream. I’m here today because my mother didn’t go home. I’m here because every time in my parent’s lives as individuals and as a couple they never gave up. My parents, and all of my family really, have passed on their tales of dreams won and lost. The pain of never trying and the joy of success were all recounted to me as a child. So I harmonize a great deal with Coelho’s work as it is a story I have heard many times over. My father tells tales in which he points out markers where he felt God opening a door, closing another, or simply providing hope. These are the lessons which are taught to the boy in The Alchemist. He learns about the importance of following one’s dreams and the sorrow that comes with never pursuing them. Coelho seeks to demonstrate the power that comes to individuals willing to chase their dreams. Ultimately, the journey taken by the boy teaches him that life is an adventure laid out before us by God, written by the author of love that we may find life and life to the full.

The House on Mango Street (vol. III)

Sandra Cisneros work, The House on Mango Street, is certainly a bildungsroman. At the heart of the book is Esperanza’s journey to forge her own identity and come to terms with her situation. Esperanza’s story covers many issues of self-discovery but they all revolve around the idea of self-actualization or realizing her full potential. Esperanza views herself as possessing the same powerful, restless spirit that her great-grandmother possessed. But her great-grandmother was taken away by her great-grandfather and she spent her life sitting by the window “sorry because she couldn’t be all the things she wanted to be” (11). Even Esperanza’s first steps into coming to terms with her emerging sexuality are viewed through the lens of self-actualization. She desires to be the woman with the red lips who drives men crazy because her power is her own (89). Esperanza dreams of leaving Mango Street because she believes it is holding her back and is not the final destination for her. But as the three sisters tell Esperanza, it is our past which shapes us to pursue our dreams in the future. Our background provides us strength to create a new reality for ourselves and leave the cycle of people who live in sorrow by the window. Our past creates the soil in which we develop roots which help us to reach out from the concrete like the four skinny trees outside the Cordero house on Mango Street.

The House on Mango Street (vol. II)

One of the parallels I drew between two characters we met this semester was Esperanza and Ike. In The Bear, Ike’s encounters with nature help him to develop a sense of identity and provide the virtues which will guide his future decisions. The revelations concerning his family’s troublesome past force Ike to wrestle with the legacy left to him. Ike understands who he is but now must decide whether his future will follow in the footsteps of his family or if he must brave a new path entirely. A similar path must be forged by Esperanza in The House on Mango Street. Esperanza finds herself in a community of individuals who are enslaved by their own feelings of shame and who live in the shadows of broken dreams. All around her are women filled with great passion but who have been hauled off to live a life staring out a window. But Esperanza, like Ike, decides to reject the inheritance passed down to her in order to forge a new identity. An identity marked by the same strong virtues of pride, courage, and humility that Ike discovered in the wilderness.

The House on Mango Street (vol. I)

Human beings are a unique species in their vast ability to learn. Which is to say that humans readily change their behaviors or thinking patterns based upon new experiences. In many ways, that’s what humans are: a summation of experiences. Throughout a person’s life they weave together a quilt of life made of threads of experiences. Funny though, that sometimes we are so unwilling to participate in sowing. Indeed, this is precisely what is at the heart of Ciseneros’ work: a young girl attempting to forge an identity in a world she doesn’t want to belong to. In ways I could relate to the work as a child who spent my entire life moving from place to place. Each time reaching back to something previous to find identity. “No I’m not from Iowa or even like it, I’m from Texas,” I would say. But then after a while you wonder how much you can relate to where you came from. My grandparents were first generation Americans so if I went to Mexico I’m a “gringo.” We are people without a home. Travelers who are forced to find our identity in the travelling, in the struggle. While I’d never consider myself a Yankee or even Southern (there is the Republic of Texas and everybody else), I cannot deny that my time in the North shaped me. These experiences some good, some bad, some I’d like to forget have all become a part of who I am. Esperanza has to mature to understand the same and embrace the experiences on Mango Street as a part of who she is, something that goes deeper than where she came from.

Life of Pi (vol. III)

Yann Martel’s The Life of Pi is a certainly a bildungsroman. Pi has all kinds of adventures before ever setting out on his tragic voyage. Pi explores the world of religion in search of ways to commune with the divine because he loves God. We watch as Pi begins to develop a concept of religion based upon the principle of love. A wild sort of love which takes from everywhere and is very uncomfortable for those of my tamed religious observance. Then there is, of course, the 277 days on the life boat in which Pi must wrestle with some major issues. The first is simply mustering the will to survive. Martel writes, “I would have given up—if a voice hadn’t made itself heard in my heart. The voice said, “I will not die. I refuse it. I will make it through this nightmare” (148). Drifting through the Pacific, Pi must learn not only to survive but to tame a tiger as well in order to continue living. His reflections on fear and human existence are incredibly insightful. At the end of the story (or perhaps the beginning the way Martel structured the work), Pi becomes a wise man whose soul has lived through its darkest night and whose eyes have seen both the dreams and nightmares of reality.

Life of Pi (vol. II)

The great musician Elwood Blues once remarked before a show, “Remember people that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive; there still some things that make us all the same. You, me, them, everybody…everybody needs somebody to love.” Indeed many of the great minds in history would agree that humans deeply desire to love and to be loved. Martel even refers to love as “the founding principle of existence” (63). Truly, love seems to be essential to the building blocks of what it means to be human. Those who express vast amounts of love we call saints and those who are devoid of love we call monsters. Yet we hold love even higher still, at times referring to it as a force which binds and intertwines all things. The fact that I can express love and receive love connects me with those around the globe who can do the same. Thus, humans swim in an ocean being rocked back and forth by the movement of the currents as they love and are loved. Love must be a terribly difficult thing for an agnostic then. Love requires hope in something invisible, faith in something intangible, and the belief in something unproveable. To explore the tragedy of never daring to plunge into the depths would require far more than one blog but I think Martel says in best in describing it as lacking imagination and missing the better story (64).

Life of Pi (vol. I)

Yann Martel describes the story in the author’s note as one “that will make you believe in God” (x). Throughout the novel, I had this tagline in my mind as I searched to find the moment when it all came together. However, I found it so subtle that I nearly missed it entirely. Pi tells two stories to the investigators from the Japanese Ministry of Transport: one with animals and one without animals. At the end of the second tale, Pi asks the investigators which one they think is better story. When the investigators respond that the story with the animals is the better one, Pi replies, “Thank you. And so it goes with God” (317). Reality can be a terrible place filled with pain, loneliness, fear, suffering, and hopelessness. In such a world, a purely rational examination of the facts might lead us to believe that our existence is devoid of any higher meaning. Pi suggests that this is one of the reasons we need the notion of God and the supernatural: to give us hope so that life is livable. If I can believe that there is a higher purpose to my life, that death is not the end, then I might have enough hope to hold on. But without God, without the idea of something beyond our current suffering, we can easily lose our souls to pain and give up on life. I think we can rephrase Pi’s question to the investigators in this way in light of his response: Do we prefer a universe with God or a universe without God?

Going After Cacciato (vol. III)

While I enjoyed reading Tim O’Brien’s Going After Cacciato, I personally would not consider it a bildungsroman. A bildungsroman must contain an essential element which Cacciato does not have: the growth of the main character. Paul Berlin experiences a great deal in Vietnam, both real and fictional, but he himself is never truly shaped by these events. The character Sarkin Aung Wan identifies his problem when she remarks, “Thinking…You are afraid to do…All your fine dreams and thinking and pretending…no more thinking, Spec Four” (297). Paul Berlin is terrified of death and of the idea of facing his own demise. Indeed, Berlin wishes to face death only when he is old and feeble (167). As a result, Berlin constantly uses imagination as an escape from the harsh realities of the war. During the night march with Lt. Martin, “He [Berlin] was pretending he was not in the war…he was pretending he was a boy again, camping with his father in the midnight summer along the Des Moines River” (209). Berlin’s escapism is never something he overcomes or matures out of. In fact, even after he is taken off of patrol duty and given a position on the observation post Berlin still uses his imagination to escape into another world (287). Although he is a likeable character, from his first patrols to his last shift on the observation post, Paul Berlin remains throughout the novel as a character fleeing from fear.

Going After Cacciato (vol. II)

I found Pr. Randal O’Brian discussion about man’s terrible love of war particularly fascinating. Indeed, one might easily few the rise and fall of civilizations throughout history as an expression of humanity’s desire to conquer. Humans possess a terrible lust to extend their dominion over everything. Anthony Hopkins in the movie Instinct says, “We have only one thing to give up. Our dominion. We don't own the world. We're not kings yet. Not gods. Can we give that up? Too precious, all that control? Too tempting, being a god?” The desire to control can lead men to create Hell on earth, a state we refer to as war. In war, human relationships are torn apart and the evil which exists in all men is clearly displayed. Perhaps it is in these moments that hope is most necessary and that hopelessness is so easily fallen into. In war men must either choose to life in a state of escapism (seen in the rampant drug use during the war) or attempt to muster the courage to face the evils. O’Brian was able to choose the latter because of his ever-deepening faith in God. I found it a great testament of his discovery of hope in a dark night of humanity and the insight that perhaps it is precisely then that a man truly understands what it means to cry out for deliverance.

Going After Cacciato (vol. I)

In his work, Going After Cacciato, Tim O’Brien explores the issue of fear and heroism in the character of Paul Berlin. O’Brien writes, “The real issue was the power of will to defeat fear. A matter of figuring a way to do it. Somehow working his way into that secret chamber of the human heart…for the exercise of courage” (81). Throughout the novel, Berlin struggles against the paralyzing force of fear. In the midst of battle, fear rises to place a strangle hold upon the helpless Spec Four. As a result, Berlin collapses into himself in a futile attempt to escape the fear. Berlin counts, focuses on an imaginary marble, pretends to be home…he does everything but confront his fear. Berlin’s inability to deal with the realities of war turn him into a runaway of the mind. He flees the harsh times of marching, the long hours of the observation post, and the problems between soldiers by escaping into his imagination. Perhaps in many respects Berlin may be looked upon as a coward who cannot face life with courage. But perhaps Berlin escapes into illusion as a defense mechanism, as a way to save something which the war attempts to take. As a safe guard against becoming cold, hopeless, and without sympathy, Berlin daydreams. But in his attempts to save his soul he never finds what he truly needs: the courage to face life in war and keep moving forward.

The Violent Bear It Away (vol. II)

Flannery O’Connor’s work is most certainly the most difficult I’ve had to evaluate this semester. Unlike the other works, the reality here is purposely distorted and the characters not simply living in a magical world. When we think of a bildungsroman we typically think of a work which follows the positive growth of a young protagonist. However, if anything, O’Connor’s work is an example of a negative bildungsroman. Francis is set on a course of inevitable destruction because he has two forces at play in his life ripping him into pieces. On the one hand, Francis must wrestle with the pulling force of the mad faith of Old Tarwater. On the other hand, Rayber’s cold, emotionless reason attempts to drag Francis to the opposite end. I refer to Old Tarwater and Rayber as “forces” because that is truly how they function, there is no acts of love to win over Francis but only the hope to pummel him into submission. Each is attempting to create a boy in their own image, the force of which ultimately tears the boy apart. As a result, reading O’Connor’s work is much like watching a car accident take place. Francis is set on a course of destruction (getting drunk leads to burning the house which ultimately leads to murder) because he is placed in a world in which love is an idea that people speak about but are unable to express. In a loveless world, neither true words nor nice acts can save a boy who is tragically bound to develop into a psychologically devastated individual.

The Violent Bear It Away (vol. I)

The Violent Bear It Away contains many interesting characters, but none as fascinatingly influential as Uncle Tarwater. The lives of young Tarwater and Rayber stand in the shadow of the life of their crazed Uncle. And while the two despise the ramblings of their Uncle, both of the characters cannot help but be drawn to his energy. “He [Uncle Tarwater] would look as if he had been wrestling a wildcat, as if his head were still full of the visions he had seen in its eyes…these were the times that Tarwater knew [that he would answer the call from God]” (8). Uncle Tarwater instills in Rayber and his cousin a spirit which the two with wrestle with for the entirety of the novel. But what is the “spirit”? The spirit appears to be “love that appeared to exist only to be itself, imperious and all demanding, the kind that would cause him to make a fool of himself in an instant” (114). The depth of true love is terrifying to Rayber because it challenges all the mastery his self-will has fooled him into believing, love challenges the intellectual control he has obtained over his life. Indeed, love is a force which makes people do foolish things, become like Uncle Tarwaters. But if we deny love, deny passion in order to gain control we become simply mechanical men. The battle between intellectual control and the untamable passion which dwells within the characters is fought throughout the novel.

The Bear (vol. III)

Faulkner’s The Bear is certainly a bildungsroman. The work begins with Isaac McCaslin as a young boy setting out for his first hunting expedition in hopes of killing the legendary Old Ben. On his first hunt, Ike is unsure of himself and filled with fear at the prospect of encountering the bear. However, under the mentorship of Sam Fathers, Ike matures into one of the most skilled hunters in the group. But the development of Ike is not simply in terms of hunting ability, but he is also instilled with the virtues of pride, humility, and courage which are instilled in him by the wilderness. His encounters with nature help Ike to develop a sense of identity and provide the virtues which will guide his future decisions. The work then shifts to Ike’s revelations concerning his family’s troublesome past and Ike must now wrestle with the legacy left to him. It seems that like most young adults exiting adolescence, Ike understands who he is but now must decide whether his future will follow in the footsteps of his family or if he must brave a new path entirely. Ike comes to grips with his family’s past and decides that who he is and will become will be set apart from the sins of his fathers.

The Bear (vol. II)

The wilderness has always been a region which has captivated the imagination. Personally, the “wilderness” is the places on the planet which are free from the taint of human society. Hence, one man alone in a forest is still the wilderness because he cannot have society with himself. Philosophers throughout the centuries have been fascinated with the wilderness, particularly post-Enlightenment thought. Thomas Hobbes believed man’s greatest achievement was leaving the wild, a place of endless fighting, to enter into society. Conversely, Jean Jacques Rousseau believed it was society which corrupted man and that the goodness of man was found in nature. As such, moderns have a love hate relationship with the wilderness. We seem drawn to it, as if the trees themselves have some secret about our humanity to tell to us while at the same time we are enslaved by a desire to dominate it. The Bear demonstrates the tension as Isaac is instilled with the virtues of the forest but at the same time part of a group hoping to conquer the wilderness. Though Old Ben is killed and although man continues to conquer the wilderness, the victory comes at a cost. For many members of the hunting group, they do not understand what has been lost but simply reflect in nostalgic sorrow. I think the cost of the destruction of the wilderness is that we lose the sacred group upon which humans from the dawn of the species have been instilled with that restless, nervous energy; that dominant force to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

The Bear (vol. I)

American historian Frederick Jackson Turner in his work, The Frontier in American History, argues that the early frontier of the United States was shaped the very fabric of the American soul. Turner claimed that the frontier formed a character marked by, “that practical inventive turn of mind, quick to find expedients; that masterful grasp of material things... that restless, nervous energy; that dominant individualism.” In essence, Turner argued that the colonists had not mastered the wilderness, the wilderness first mastered the settlers. Similarly, William Faulkner’s The Bear explores the way in which the wilderness shapes the character of Isaac McCaslin. In many ways, Faulkner’s observations parallel Turner’s as displayed in McCaslin’s observation, “It was of the…hunters, with the will and hardiness to endure and the humility and skill to survive…within the wilderness in the ancient and unremitting contest” (186). The wilderness of The Bear is a sacred place in which men are instilled with the most important virtues of pride, humility, and courage. The theme is similar to other portrayals of nature seen in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and A Room With a View where nature is a place that draws out the raw essence of man. Faulkner’s wilderness acts in much the same way but goes a step further by molding the soul of man into one with a “restless, nervous energy; that dominant individualism” which reflects the American spirit.

Their Eyes Were Watching God (vol. III)

Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God is certainly a bildungsroman. However, the growth of Janie is not as obvious and not in similar ways as characters in the works previously read. While Harry had his moment of accepting his own fate and Huck has his decision to go to Hell rather than allow Jim to return to slavery, Janie’s growth seems to slip in past the reader’s radar. The development of Janie’s character springs from her well of love which she desires to share with a man in a beautiful marriage. However, her first marriages only succeed in tarnishing her vision and forcing Janie to retreat into herself. But Janie’s marriage to Tea Cake allows Janie to open up and to express all the love she had buried for so love. The true growth in the novel is Janie’s understanding of how to love and be love and how that looks. Janie survives countless storms which sweep through her life and by the end of the novel has discovered the power of love.

Their Eyes Were Watching God (vol. II)

The title for Hurston’s work is found during the scene in which Janie and Tea Cake are deciding what to do before the hurricane hits. Hurston writes, “their eyes straining against crude walls and their souls asking if He meant to measure their puny might against His. They seemed to be staring at the dark, but their eyes were watching God” (160). The hurricane seems to be a physical manifestation of the internal storms which have swept through Janie’s life. Her marriages to Logan and to Joe both presented forces which radically shaped her life. While the characters in the novel do not appear to be especially spiritual, they do exist against the backdrop of forces beyond their control. Hurston’s characters wrestle with attempting to better their conditions against the hands played by the forces of this world. Nanny must work her entire life to present an opportunity for Janie to succeed. Janie views her marriage to Tea Cake as God finally opening up the door for her into enter into love (150). The black woman of Hurston’s novel is subject to every imaginable force, both made by man (socio-economic status) and by God (fate), and must strive to forge her way through them. Their eyes watch God to see if He will present a new obstacle or to open a new door. Janie’s story presents a reality in which we are all watching God and making the best of what He decides.

Their Eyes Were Watching God (vol. I)

In Hurston’s novel, the main character Janie weds three different men at three points in her life. These marriages offer different dynamics and expose Janie to new perspectives through which she ultimately discovers the meaning of love. Janie’s earliest thoughts on marriage were that “husbands and wives always loved each other, and that was what marriage meant” (21). Her first marriage is arranged by her grandmother to a well-off man named Logan Killicks. While financially secure, Janie and Logan were not in love with one another. Their marriage was something which would better be described as co-inhabitance. In search of love, Janie runs off with the ambitious Joe Starks. While Logan treated Janie as less than equal, Joe promises to place Janie on a pedestal. But even though the marriage begins well, Janie soon realizes she has traded on extreme for another. She becomes untouchable to the outside world, a jewel reserved only for Joe to cherish. The type of love Janie experiences in her first to relationships is an unconfident love which seeks to control her lest she run off with someone else. However in her third marriage to Tea Cake, Janie finds the love she had been searching for. Tea Cake treats Janie as an equal and returns Janie’s love equally. Perhaps this is Hurston’s greatest teaching of love: Love does not bind, it does not envy, love seeks the lowest places and raises them to equal footing.

A Room With a View (vol. III)

I think that Forster’s A Room With A View qualifies as a bildungsroman but the transformation of Lucy is so seemingly natural the work stands in contrast to the other works we have read. Lucy faces no undefeated wizards who seek to kill her nor does she face the challenges of the mighty Mississippi. Rather, Lucy’s challenges take place in a literary world not too distant from our own. Lucy’s character is not one with hidden power to save the world, but a hidden power to save her soul. Lucy exists in a world of convention and social structure designed to make life pleasant and easy. Whether at home or abroad, Lucy’s world works to ensure that no discomfort befalls her. However, much like Huckleberry Finn, Lucy discovers that the world of convention does not contain the truths of the soul or the key to true happiness. Indeed, an entire world of love and passion has been condemned by her society. Lucy’s greatest growth and victory is to leave the common world of the safe to venture into the dangerous world of passion.

A Room with a View (vol. II)

Everything I ever learned about marriage I learned by watching my parents. Once, talking with my father, he instructed, “when you get married you have to lose the me and you mentality. There is no my wants, my dreams, my goals…only ours.” Perhaps all the poets and writers of our time have sought to find answer to simply put. Throughout the work, at the heart of Lucy resides a desire to find a husband which she can stand beside (not behind). Forster writes, "[Lucy] desired, not a wider dwelling-room, but equality beside the man she loved” (108). The modern world has thrown out old romantic visions of marriage as a union between two people consumed by a living force we call love. But perhaps for all its mocking, we moderns still desire to love deeply and to be loved deeply. The social constraints placed upon Lucy which attempt to deter her from true love are not unlike the rational, mental barriers placed upon people today. Yet no matter how hard the Miss Bartletts and Mr. Vyses try, man cannot seem to lord over love. What George calls fate, Forster displays as the destiny of man: to be driven to find love, the source of the only true happiness in life.

A Room with a View (vol. I)

The master poet William Shakespeare once penned, “Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?” Humans may be the highest member of the evolutionary chain with the reasoning capacity to decipher the mysteries of the universe and yet these beings are moved beyond logic by emotions which seem beyond their control. No explanation by neuroscientists, biologists, sociologists, and psychologists has been able to explain the phenomenon of love in a satisfactory manner. Yet the passion which our society of today heralds in anthems such as, “all you need is love” has not always been in vogue. Philosophers and poets throughout the centuries have wrestled with the emotion and society has changed its views on love like the rolling of the tide. At various points in history, philosophers urged mankind to govern himself with pure reason and not to be ruled by his emotions. Yet, there is something which seems odd to humanity about this proposition so attempts to stifle human expression have always ultimately failed. But perhaps these attempts are not without merit, emotions of jealousy and “love” have led to many wars. But as Forster observes, “a shamefaced world of precautions and barriers which may avert evil, but which do not seem to bring good, if we may judge from those who have used them both” (76). His work begs the question of what path truly is most noble: the safe following of convention or “to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” by following passion?

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (vol. III)

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is certainly a bildungsroman. The litmus test for the growth of Huck is presented to the reader via the appearance of Tom Sawyer at the beginning and the end of the work. In the beginning of the work, Tom and Huck are seen running around their small town causing mischief as the boys follow the childish fantasies of Tom. Huck’s interaction with Jim is limited to a scene in which Tom wants to play a prank on the sleeping man but Huck argues it would be a bad idea and could possibly get them into trouble. Huck begins his journey with a slight suspicion but unending loyalty to Tom’s plans and little concern for Jim. However, Huck’s perspectives change over the course of his travels down the river with Jim. By the time Huck reaches Aunt Sally’s house, Huck sees Jim as a valuable friend who Huck is willing to be condemned to Hell to rescue out of slavery. The reappearance of Tom at the end of the work serves as a book end to the novel. The episode which occurs is in many ways the same adventures which were had at the beginning of the novel but now these final chapters seem out of place. Huck no longer sees as much value in Tom’s schemes and is intently concerned with Jim’s well being. Huck’s interaction with Tom Sawyer at the beginning and the end of the novel clearly demonstrates that by the end of his raft journey Huck has matured into a young adult who has rejected conventional morality to save a friend.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (vol. II)

In The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Jim and Huck find themselves constantly travelling between two worlds: the raft life and the shore life. On the raft, away from society, Jim and Huck live as close friends who spend their days in peace and happiness. Only when the two characters come ashore to the riverbank, to society, that violence and problems arise. Throughout this work, the reader watches as Huck’s view of Jim changes. The shift is not one from slave to free but from slave to human. Jim’s unending loyalty and love for Huck ultimately trump certain social norms Huck has been taught to believe. Late in the novel Huck remarks, “I knowed he [Jim] was white inside.” Huck’s description of Jim being white inside is in actuality a recognition of Jim’s humanity. The shift occurs because of the influence of the most basic of human emotions: love. Jim’s love for Huck wears away at the social norms which have been programmed into Huck. Therefore, perhaps the best reading of Twain’s work would be: In the newly reunited Union we must recognize that we are all travelling on one raft to a new destination in which mutual tolerance and love must be precedent. It is only our interactions with the old order of “civilized” society which breeds violence and difficulty.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (vol. I)

In his autobiography Narrative of the Life of Fredrick Douglass, Fredrick Douglass makes countless observations on the impact of slavery on the human soul both for the slave and the slave owner. Douglass asserts that slavery not only degrades and dehumanizes the slave, but the slave owner is similarly corrupted. The issue of slavery is explored within Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn through the character of Jim and his relationship with Huck. In the work, Jim is one of the head slaves to Miss Watson. Huck and Jim first meet because Miss Watson took Huck in a kind of adopted son in hopes of civilizing him. The character of Miss Watson becomes a symbol for the civilized world for Huck. Her views on prayer, heaven and hell, education, etc are constantly being tested and examined by Huck. Interestingly, the “civilized” world is the one in which creates the world view which supports the system of slavery and all the injustices which result. Huck is ultimately confronted with the dilemma of accepting conventional morality and civilized life or to help his friend escape the inhumanity of his condition. Huck’s decision to go to Hell rather than allow Jim to be taken back to slavery is the summation of these underlying conflicts which Huck confronts and triumphs over.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (vol. III)

J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is certainly a bildungsroman. The work focuses on the internal struggle within Harry during his adventures leading up to the final battle with Voldemort. Throughout the first half of the novel, Harry looks at the path which has led him to search for the Horcruxes and begins to ask serious questions. He questions whether the choices he has made in the past have been the right ones, whether the teachers he had in the past were the best, and whether his current path is the right. Harry’s doubt and disbelief render him nearly useless in the first section of the novel. However, the death of Dobby (485) becomes a catalyst for maturity for Harry. He formulates a plan, develops a sense of purpose, and proceeds with confidence in the path before and behind him. Harry’s greatest point of maturity occurs when he realizes he must die in order to stop Voldemort. Recognizing his own mortality and bravely facing his end (692), Harry boldly faces his challenges in a way which was impossible for him to do in the beginning of the work.