Confessions are hard to do

Over the summer as an intern the staff I worked with read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's "Life Together" (wonderful read) and I've also been hit-or-miss with doing some Scripture reading from the book of Matthew. Anyways, Bonhoeffer talks a lot about confession and the need to make admissions of guilt to fellow Christians in his work. In Matthew, Jesus says, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (5:23-24).

As I read that passage, I thought of who I needed to be reconciled to and I thought of one person in particular. I recognized that I really needed to confess and apologize to that person but my own insecurities got the better of me so I just sent a facebook message (also, I haven't seen this person in two years). I wrote a long message to apologize for my thoughts and actions which were arrogant, self-centered, and immature. I confessed that my thoughts and actions were wrong and stemmed from my own broken imperfectness.

That was something incredibly difficult because I had to first be shown by God how imperfect I really was. Which sucked. And has sucked all summer to be shown how truly in need of grace I am. Another sucky part was after I sent that message I thought of another person I needed to message, then after that I thought of another person. Three messages with three different admissions of guilt. Which doesn't exclude the two coffee shop conversations I will have to have upon my return to school and a couple things I'll have to tell some other people.

I don't really feel comfortable with all this but I know its necessary. I don't even know how those people will take the messages but I hope they understand that I'm really sorry. I also hope those messages won't just be words and that I live up to what I wrote. To what I am writing. But if I want to follow Jesus I have to go all the way, even when I feel awkward and hurt.

If you pray, pray that God will grant me courage to make honest confessions, a heart to hear honest words, and the fortitude to follow Christ not just in word but in deed.